A Few How To's

Some new posts coming this week for you to look forward to.

All of these are how I have to adapt to do things in the USVI

How to Rollerblade in the VI

I'm Finally gonna get around to figuring out some spots to skate..

How to grow a beard in the VI

and finally

How to drive/ do car maintenance in the VI.

I Live Where You Vacation

We all know the stereotypical tourist; the man dressed in shorts and a button up tee shirt, with pasty white legs and sunburnt arms and neck and the woman in her flowy long dress, big straw hat and oversized beach bag that’s over flowing with wet towels and sand. Oh and don’t let me forget to mention all of the crocs and fanny packs. Not just the ironic fanny packs worn by hipsters either, these are fanny packs that have been owned since the 90s and that mother swears upon to hold all of her most precious belongings (credit card, pass port, etc.) 

Well, this is what i see every single day. I never quite get board of it either. 

What also makes me giggle are the children they drag along. They come in many different styles compared to their parents. We have... 

1. Hipster kids

1. Spoiled rich kids that obviously don’t want to be on vacation that wear only high end fashion even thought they are only 12.
2. Spoiled rich kids that want to buy everything in the store... and their parents let them.
3. The kids who are very excited to be here that wear the fanny packs and crocs, and much prefer the great outdoors than the shopping centers
4. The kids who only care for the beach and all the surfing they can do around here.
5. Kids who are generally happy to be on vacation that wear tennis shoes and comfortable clothes, but still spend their money when they get here. 

... and so on and so forth. There are many other kinds of kids, but this is generally what you will see. (I like number 5 the best... and 3, but only because I work at a high end sunglasses store.)

Any who, I grew up in Michigan so I am NOT used to “these folks” unless I was one of “these folks”. (I think I’m #6 when I’m with my mom on vacation. I mean, might as well spend your money when you travel since you already spent a buttload getting there, right?) 

They talk constantly about “Island Time”. Which, in a former blog post, I set up a chart for those of you who don’t quite grasp the concept of “island time” because you live in a typical city in the states. (Sorry small towns, the conversion chart is a little different for you since time in a small town moves as fast as a snail on lunesta. Therefore, this “island time” is pretty much the same, but add crystal blue beaches and take away the smell of manure.) 

When I’m trying to walk to work on a busy ship day (4+ ships), I’m always stuck behind the “big boned” american couple walking like they have a ball and chain tethered around their cankles and announcing loudly to one another that it’s “island time baby” and they can take the precious time walking from one bar to another. I do that awkward dance behind them to see if there is one moment where I can slip past them, but there is never a moment, unless if I want to squeeze between their warm sticky bodies that haven’t adjusted from the climate change, so I’m not late. I don’t want to be rude, but you gotta do what you gotta do. 

Them...

...Me

I love tourists and all, but sometimes you guys just get in the way.

Then you also see things you don’t... well want to see. For example, I am aware that this is an island and we are literally surrounded by beaches, but that doesn’t mean you can wear your bathing suit everywhere. I know you want to whip out that sexy bathing suit that has been sitting in your closet for 4 months Mrs.Jones, but save that for the beach.

Strutting your stuff on the beach is wonderful, it’s just awkward when you’re walking through town half naked with parts of your body that haven’t seen the sun since the last time you took a vacation.. three years ago. 

Well, I don’t blame them I guess! The body needs a little bit of vitamin D when you work in the office 5 days a week and on top of that, it’s winter! 

Lastly, I know you’re on vacation and the bars here open at 9am, but does that really mean you need to drink? I understand, getting a nice local brew when you get off the boat is fun and makes you truly feel like you’re on vacation, but getting 3 rum punches by the time it’s 12pm is a bit much. When I work over in St.John, I’m right next to this bar, and once people get a few drinks in them, they think it is a wonderful idea to come in, say hi, mess up all the sunglasses, and then leave. It’s kind of funny sometimes, but it can get a bit old. 

There are TONS of bars here, and tons of different rums you can drink and order, but from what I remember, the cruise ships also have a bar on them. Well the only thing I can say is that people on vacation, despite how silly they look in their fanny packs and crocs, they follow one rule:

I know many people hate this saying, I know many people say “I want to punch a baby koala when I hear someone say YOLO” but loosen up, you grinch, take a joke and take off those narcissistic sunglasses. Maybe YOU need to take a vacation. So whip out your Hawaiian print and kaki shorts and strap on your fanny pack, come down to the wonderful island of St.Thomas, where the weather is nice, time moves at its own pace and you can drink anytime of the day. 

Good Day Sir!

How I Saved The World...

Well I woke up yesterday realizing that I had in fact saved the earth from destruction. I did this by sheer will power alone and my Christmas tree. Well, its not actually a Christmas tree; it's actually a palm tree with a bunch of lights on it that I got from K-Mart for like twenty bucks.
                                           

But what it really is: a hipster Christmas tree or a hipstmas tree if you will.

"But Byron what is a hipstmas tree?" you are probably asking yourself right now. Well now you are because I made you read it.

Well to answer your question we have to delve back into archaic tv show history and start with the Seinfeld episode that chronicles the story of festivus. Festivus, according to Seinfeld is a secular holiday for everyone not celebrating myriad other traditions  The hallmark of this holiday is the festivus pole which is simply a pole that is not adorned with anything.


                                             
The other half of the hipstmas tree is that a palm tree is just so much cooler than an actual Christmas tree and besides, I'm doing it before palm trees are "in" as Christmas decorations because I'm such a hipster.


                                                         

So, There is an obvious connection between the invention of the hipstmas tree and the fact that the world did not end.

Hipstmas Tree

Besides Christmas Tree's are soooo last year.

St. John and Other Tropical Paradises We Don't Live On

The other day I got to go to St. John, because Alana had to work over there and I wanted to do some exploring. This is ever so convenient because seventy percent of St. John is National Park and has very well marked trails for exploring.

Russell St. John'S Red Storm Slubbed Tee (Google Affiliate Ad)

St. John is a kind of idyllic place because it has all the charm of a quaint town mixed together with the natural beauty of a tropical Caribbean island. The Difference between St. Thomas and St. John, though they are only four miles apart, is vast. St. Thomas is the relative "big city" to St. John's "Small Town". St. Thomas has a population hovering around fifty thousand, while St. John has only about five thousand inhabitants. On St. John everything is quite and scenic and you can walk from place to place, it seems even as if everyone knows each other on the island.

Russell St. John'S Red Storm Fleece Hoodie (Google Affiliate Ad)

The Trails are beautiful and well maintained. I took the Caneel hill trail which seems to go straight up the mountain, I was out of breath and pouring sweat within the first two seconds of the hike (guess I need to work out a little). The view from the top is a great reward for the effort expended. You're afforded a great look at the BVI's and can see all the way to
St. Croix in the opposite direction.

view from atop Caneel Hill

After hiking back down the trail there was still some time for laying out on the beach and reading a good book before the mosquitoes got to bad. While laying there I was introduced to some island wildlife.

The wonderful island rooster who so kindly chooses to call so loudly at both sunrise and sunset to disturb the otherwise peaceful relaxation of beach goers and those sleeping in alike.

These hermit crabs are every freakin' where on St. John, They literally roll down the path you walk on. Ranging in size from the small ones you see in the pet store to some bigger than my fist they are easily frightened.

I decided to set up my slackline at honeymoon beach. This led to a litany of messages and comments on a facebook picture which I titled honeymoon, this was a mistake as everyone assumed that it meant that Alana and I had gotten married. So as I set my slackline up about ten donkeys appeared from the brush.

Much to the surprise of  myself and the beach goers the donkeys are not afraid of people. In fact since they get fed by many tourists down on honeymoon beach they will actively seek out people to give them food and can be quite aggressive.

Topical Island Romance

First off I know its been about 10 billion years since the last blog post, The way I calculated this figure was by multiplying the number of times my parents inquired about when the next blog post would be by one billion. You all know how good I am at math.

Anyway life on the rock is going quite swimmingly and I mean that in the most literal sense as I take to the water as a snorkel guide about five times a week while fulfilling my duties as first mate aboard the spirit of St. Christopher.

Spirit of St Christopher
Benzara 71573 23 In. Pirate Ship Black Sailboat Wood Model Nautical (Google Affiliate Ad)

The funny thing is, I'd never really snorkeled anywhere near St. Thomas before I my boss tell all of the fifty gay men who where our passengers that I would be giving a private snorkel tour. I thought this was a joke until I was in the water, giving a snorkel tour. Luckily I am a Strong enough swimmer competently look like I know what I am doing. My bullshit skills came quite in handy that day.

Life is great down here I'm having a ton of fun at work and Alana and I are having a great time together in our beautiful apartment when we can.

That being said (yes mother, father, and brother I said "that being said" you can make fun of me now) we are trying to be as frugal as we can, so instead of going out on the town every night we try to have relaxing dinner parties with our selves. We have the perfect venue; our incredible balcony with an even more incredible view. So when we want to live it up all we have to do is make some food to eat our there.

I know, that photo really does look like something out of an ad for tropical island getaways or something. On nights like the one pictured it kind of feels like I live in a postcard; Alana and I get dressed up nice and we get to enjoy this incredible journey.

Well I'm off to go do exciting things like eating and sleeping. Who knows what tomorrow will bring but I'll leave you with this.

"Every man has to follow his heart, no matter how insane he may seem to others"

A few new posts coming!

A few new posts will be published starting today. I know that you are exited. And you should be.

Much love from your favorite virgin islands blogging couple

Thanksgiving, Birthday, Food and Critters Make for a Great Time

Hello friends, it has been awhile!

Byron and I have been busy with life down here! At first we were running on island time (before I had a job and everything was just a vacation for us). If you aren’t sure what “island time” is, I have conducted a chart for you to better understand...

STATES	ISLAND
1/2 hour	1 hour
One Day	One Week
One Week	One Month

                                  

... And so on

But Ever since I got a job, Byron has been running me from my job to his work then back through traffic to come pick me up nearly every day, things have been moving 700 million miles an hour! (speed of light in other words) Therefore, we haven’t had time to write. 

That doesn’t mean that nothing has happened since then and now! Oh no, there has been thanksgiving, my birthday and many many games of monopoly. 

Thanksgiving was a hoot! Let me tell you what, it was my first day of work! It was pretty much the basic training kind of day. We filled out all those awesome W2 tax forms and whatnot and then they showed us around two of the stores. Then, by the time I got home, I was stuffed with information, not turkey. With much debate in a short time frame, Byron and I headed to the store to make food for thanksgiving before it was too late! Instead of turkey, we got chicken wings and smothered them in a delicious lemon pineapple pasta sauce mix! Of course there were rolls and corn and other goodies that you would typically have on thanksgiving. (not mashed potatoes though, I never liked that nasty mush starch that humans consider “edible”) Then delicious apple pie for dessert! My favorite! All while watching the dog show that plays every year on thanksgiving! 

After thanksgiving I had six days before my birthday! Blah blah blah, went to work, blah blah blah, relaxed at the house. It was like running a marathon when you hit the wall one mile in, it was painful those six days! I would finally no longer be a teenager! Finally, the 28th approached and I woke up to quite a surprise! 

Byron got up in the middle of the night to decorate for me! Wow what a way to start off the day! I had an 8 hour shift at the biggest store on a 7 cruise ship day, so I was going to soak up the morning as long as I could! Byron got me monopoly and a deck of cards, along with a birthday pie! (I never liked cake, and I can’t eat ice cream because my stomach is more sensitive than a ginger’s skin in the sun light, so I get pie nearly every year!) We ate it and it was wonderful. I could feel the 20 year old blood pump through my veins as I blew out my candles that read 05, because the candles were facing the opposite direction. I wanted it to look aesthetically pleasing for my audience (Byron), which read the number I have been waiting for for 2 centuries... "20". 

I went to work and then Byron surprised me with an awesome hotel room at one of the resorts so I could take a bath, and we could blast the A/C as much as we wanted! Also, not to mention the room service. UM YUM! We hung out, played monopoly and ate to our stomach’s content (and then some). I felt like such a princess!

Well, now that all the important details are out of the way, here are some random things that go on around the house. 

FOOD: 

As I have mentioned before, food is expensive. Therefore we have made it our goal to only go shopping once a month. This leaves us to become more... creative... by the end of the month. 

Byron and I are very different with the food that put together from our minds. I, for one, think of things that are a bit sweet, yet salty, and something everyone can enjoy. Like cooking up some pineapples and shoving them into every day meals. For example, in my pasta...

On the other hand, Byron will put anything together, that might make you a little nauseous, and make something delicious (to himself). Here we have a picture of his “Meaty-Ramon-French-Toast”. If I had the stomach of steal like he did, I would have tried a bite! First he cut the ramen in half, then soaked it in egg yokes and oat meal grains, then put it on the frying pan and there he smeared this liquid meat we purchased, thinking it was like spam, but it was more like if you were to put spam into a blender then add a pound of salt and then soaked that in water for a week. Once Byron fried that up, he covered that in syrup. Can you say delicious? Well he said it was a lot better than he thought it would be. Trial and error, trial and error. 

Byron cooking up his wonderful concoction...

The tasty can of "meat"...

Sometimes though, Byron and I put our heads together and think of something so amazing! The other day, while making pancakes from our 10 pound pancake mix

I said something that sparked Byron’s interest. “What if we made muffins from the pancake batter?” Later I headed off to work and then came home to a surprise. Byron made a cake like pancake cake. It had pineapples in it (like nearly everything we make does), and some syrup and Splenda. It was pretty good. I put some jam on it and it was better than muffins! 

My next topic of interest is...

CRITTERS:

We find these things all around our house. The main thing are these dang centipedes. They are everywhere and typically aren’t that big. The other day I was showering and up came one out of the drain. I gotta say, it was a bit surprising! My hair was all soapy and I grabbed a towel and then grabbed him and put him outside. I never kill them, I mean they are just poor innocent creatures (expect for spiders who are all little spawns of satan and need die a slow painful death.). 

About a week ago, I wake up and walk into the kitchen and see the biggest centipede I’ve ever seen in the house!

The picture doesn’t do justice to its size! But if you poke at them about 3 times, they crawl up into a little ball and you can pick them up and throw them outside.

Then, about two days ago, Byron and I opened our door to the deck and we see this pretty big frog! I tried to take a picture of it, but the damn thing jumped because my flash startled it.

As you can see we are having a wonderful time in paradise. Byron shall be posing something soon as well so keep your eyes open! Have a wonderful day!